By Vicki Robin and Jacquiline Blix

Birthday’s bridal and baby showers, weddings, Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa, travel mementos, hostess appreciation, religious events…For busy Americans, gifts have become costly obligations rather than heartfelt offerings. Despite our best intentions, emotions and expectations about gift-giving can undermine our efforts to live and spend in alignment with our values.

To begin with, why do we give gifts? Identifying motives can help you sort out what you really want to do.

Assuming that you’re recording your expenses, make sue you have a category for gifts. (Or simply record all of your gift purchases for a month.) At the end of one month, look at your gift purchases with an eye to your motives for each gift. If any of the following motives ring a bell, your gift giving habits might be causing you more personal and financial stress than necessary:

1. Gifts for people because they always give you one.
2. Gifts given to impress people or keep up with a certain social group.
3. Gifts at the office because everyone is expected to chip in.
4. Gifts given out of guilt – to make up for lack of time spent with loved ones or to help smooth over a rough time in a relationship.
5. Gifts given because that’s the way you’ve always celebrated a holiday or occasion.
6. Spending more because you’ve waited to the last minute or an unexpected occasion comes up.

Changing these situations will take time and in some cases communications with family and friends. Above all – be creative! Be willing to try something new. Here are some ideas:

At the office, buy one birthday cake each month for that months celebrants to replace individual gifts and cards.

• If you find that guilt (or another emotion) is a component of your gift-giving, examine its cause. Try finding a solution based on talking to or spending some time with the person, rather than trying to substitute with a gift.
• Rather than buying gifts for everyone in your family, use the old standard of drawing names and purchasing for one person. Buying both a “regular” gift and a joke gift can increase the fun.
• If you find yourself continually blind-sided by last-minute gift requirements, keep a “present box” in a closet and accumulate thoughtful and inexpensive gifts as you make your regular rounds. These could be unneeded gifts to you (keep a label on the gift noting the donor to avoid embarrassment), or things you make.
• Give gifts that reflect your values; recycled paper goods such as notecards and calendars; donations to a charity favored by the recipient; or gifts of plants, flowers, food, or other sustainably produced consumables that won’t end up in a landfill.
• Write stories, compile family histories, or make photo/memory albums to use as gifts.
• Give the gift of your time – offer to paint, clean, or make a date to have fun with the recipient.

The ideas are endless. The goal is not just saving money. It’s freeing yourself from the unspoken rules about gifts and enjoying the positive side of gift-giving – the joy that comes from giving freely from a sense of abundance, love and sharing.

Originally Published June 2002 in Real Money Newsletter
Reprinted Here with Permission of Co-op America